To Create The New Rules For Raising Families in 2010
San Clemente, CA - Just like Republicans and Democrats, there are other groups of people who are reaching across the "aisle" to solve the issues that matter most to our kids...and our country. On www.O-MAMA.com, step-moms and divorced moms are coming together to share their opinions on raising a family 2010-style.
“I love that O-MAMA has become a place where moms can safely seek advice from other moms, step-moms or even grandmothers.” Says O-MAMA.com founder Michelle Tingler. “We all want the best for our children and our families. Conversations on our site, like the ones occurring between stepmoms and divorced moms, is truly the best example of how to have change begin at home.”
According to the chat rooms on O-MAMA, “men/dads/ex-husbands/new husbands have an uncanny ability to assume that things will magically fall into place with little intervention on their part… they aren’t the most successful at providing support on the onset of these mom/stepmom relationships.” (yogamama) So moms and stepmoms have to team up to make things work. Here is what Opinionated MAMAs think about raising a blended family:
Opinion #1 from the MAMAs: TREAT THE STEP-MOM LIKE A HUMAN BEING. “I can't tell you how many stepmoms I know who recount stories of the mom literally looking over them, through them, under them in an attempt to invalidate them. Stepmoms are nervous as hell to meet mom! (Just as I'm sure mom is as nervous to meet the stepmom.),” says ‘yogamama’. O-MAMA Lesson for our kids: Treat others how you would like to be treated.
Opinion #2: STOP LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AS "THE OTHER WOMAN" - This is more easily said than done, but if you start with this simple premise, the family purpose and mission becomes clearer and the humanity between the two women will have a fighting chance of surfacing. The kids will also feel the difference if you get rid of the tension right away and see each other with more compassion and not as “the other woman.” When there's innate competition, division and emphasis on differences, you get tension and stunted growth on all fronts. “[Moms] don't want to be wicked and step moms don't want to be wicked either… (but) we don't have to go Disney in real life.” says ‘debomama’. She is right. Being friendly, positive and open doesn’t mean you need to be best friends. If you find yourself in a challenging conversation or situation, smile and count to three before you respond. O-MAMA Lesson for our kids: Walk a mile in the someone else's shoes.
Opinion #3: BE ON THE SAME TEAM. Communication is key if you want to give kids the best opportunity at being well-adjusted growing up in two households. Understand you are both taking on some very challenging roles and are probably charting a new path. As ‘stepmama’ says, “Our kids need us to figure out how to be on the same team.” Coordinate calendars and define roles so you aren’t doubling up efforts or stepping on anyone’s toes. O-MAMA Lesson for our kids: There is no "I" in team.
To get in on the conversations:
http://www.o-mama.com/chat_rooms/discuss/divorced-moms
http://www.o-mama..com/chat_rooms/discuss/step-moms
